Honestly I just don't care

I don't wanna be a pussy

I don't wanna say it out but ....

.....

I think I'm bi ... o.O

or maybe bi-curious .

omg .

I said it .

Maybe its just a puberty phase thingy but ..

I feel like its something much more than that .

Okay ... maybe not a crush ,

I dont wanna make it official .

Lets just say ... development .

Ever since I had this development for her,

I can't eat, I can't sleep .

Like ... I'm a robot .

I'm not hungry at all .

and the feeling is like , everytime she's in my head,

my heart will suddenly hammer .

ikr . so fucked up .

I dont know either .

:( help .

So far only 3 people know .

Oh and I just found out that she's bi .

How should I feel ?

Honestly ... I AM a pussy .

I don't wanna admit my feelings .

I just can't stand my friends changing the thoughts on me .

Like , I'm suppose to be straight .

110% straight .

like I said, I think I'm bi-curious .

Honestly, I am . I do wanna try .

but it makes me feel sick and wrong .

I don't discriminate ... I'm a supporter of LGBT .

But ... me ???

Anyway ... I'm writing about my observations ..

I don't know who she likes or whatever but ...

yeah .

I observed that she uses lots of smiley in her texts :)

3 smileys in a text max .

YES, I DO NOTICE OKAY .

Her house is really big ... real classy .

I've had tuition with her twice .

okay this is my observations only but

Everytime during tuition, from the corner of my eyes

she sometimes sneaked a peak at me and when she thought I wasnt noticing,

her stare would sometime hold up to about ... 5 seconds ?

Of course why wouldn't I be happy.

This aint no narcassism though !

but I'm afraid my friends will be like 'ew' .

Mostly I'm just afraid of how my friends would think of me now .

Why do I say this could be different ?

Because the way I feel around her is like the way

How I always felt like when I'm around a guy I like .

Only this time its a girl . And I'm pretty sure it's not a puberty phase .

No.

Its really risky though ... My actions are kind of ..

I don't know, obvious ?

Like everytime I talk to her friends when she's around ,

I looked at everyone but I don't dare to catch her eye .

I don't dare to catch her eyes everytime I walk past her or something .

And I can feel myself blush sometimes.

Its almost scary . really scary I mean .

And just now when finish tuition we were slowly packing up our stuff,

you know when everyone randomly walks around,

and they all came back and gather around again to talk (LOL)

She went and stood beside me .

Even though someone's already beside me .

Not to make it look obvious,

I just playfully bump her,

and she bump me back ...

and we ended up bumping each other continuously XDD

fun fun fun fun fun fun .

I'm still not sure .

I'm pretty sure she already has someone on her mind .

OMG. why am I saying this ??

T.T

Nah... but I'm sure that she was just being friendly ..

you know, trying to get me to get along with her peers .

I am already friends with her peers though .

Just not as close .

Right now, what I need is

friends that supports me .

and be there for me.

I dont wanna be judged .

Currently, I only have 2 .

I'm lucky enough tho :)